pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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