I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
