only if we run a train.
done.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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