My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
