I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
