Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize
