Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
