Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
