Is it because I queefed?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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