I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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