god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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