he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
