Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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