Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
