You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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