So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
