The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
