I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
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I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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