I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
A+ Viking dick
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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