$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
