It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
