i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
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I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
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You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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