I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
this beer tastes like vomit already
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
