she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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