is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
