oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
