So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
