My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
