i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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