I think I am morally bankrupt
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.