I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.