Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.