12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
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I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
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we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened