Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf