In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
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high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
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I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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