He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog