My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i love accidental penises.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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