Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize