So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
