New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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