I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
