he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You smell like a Billy Joel song
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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