In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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