dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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