As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My ATM looks so different sober.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
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You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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