Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
