he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
