Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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