Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i may or may not be watching the land before time
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
