Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
