Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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