you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
