I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
