therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
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Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
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After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize