walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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