he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
