Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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