my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
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you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
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He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
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