Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize