he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
