the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
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He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
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Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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