I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
