She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
