You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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