Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
