I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
