were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
