I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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