i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
