He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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